Post by QUiNN on Jul 19, 2010 16:51:14 GMT -5
Its time.
i thought my drama was all going away, or it was too minor to really bring up, but as of just now i've decided i had facepalming issues.
lol. okay so. im going out with this kid RJ (Lara knows some of this xD) we did the sound of music together and he was my love interst Rolf. he had liked me for a long time and everything and hes awesome and so cute and perfect, but i, at first, was sure i didn't like him, then i he backed off and so did everyone else that wanted us to date and i realised i DID like him, thats when we started dating. he seriously is the best to me and i know he would do anything for me, were basically the same person, but boy and girl, everyone is sure were made for each other blah blah. they talk about how r KIDS are going to be awesome. and its easy to be with him....or at least it was.
on and off in the past ive had serious crushes on my best friends boy friend. i was really confused by this until someone explained that i probably was just crushing on what they HAD not actually HIM. this made sense and i passed it off as that from that moment on....but now i have what they have...
a little bit ago, about three weeks into me and RJ dating, Adam and Mallory (best friends EVER EVER EVER like not even kidding id die for Mals and Adam). they were having some issues. not on the same page they werent. and i found my self EXTREMELY upset by the whole thing. i even cryed a few times for them. I talked them them both, i just want them to be happy blah blah, but i started to get scared that my motives for being so upset were deeper tthan i really thought. Every time i talked to Adam he just frustrated the crap out of me b/c he wasn't even trying to make things right with Mal, he just thought she would do all the work. but at the same time i couldn't pass off whatever feelings i had for Adam any more and it was killing me beyond belief.
after a little bit he apologized finally to Mals and they were okay again and i was relieved for two reasons. one, they were happy, two, there was no way i could have Adam even if i wanted him b/c he was happily with my best friend and I had RJ. i could forget about it and trick myself into thinking there was nothing thjere, b/c it was impossible. my mind would eventually realize this and stop being stupid. Then him and Mals went to a camp together, and i went to Fair for a week. none of us really talked, but i was busy so it was fine. RJ came to visit and gave me the best gifts i could wish for on my Bday, but i felt myself drifting a little away and then i even caught myself reminding myself to be next to him and do romantic things so my friends could all swoon and chatter about how perfe t we were together and how they knew it was going to happen. i began pleasing my friends at my expense. (read The Hunger Games. litterally, my life is the main characters modern day). but i han't thought of Adam really too much, just enough to think about texting him a few times, then deciding against it.
last day of Fair he texts me, just saying hey. Im happy and i text back. he asked about meand RJ i say were good, just to avoid questions. I ask about him a Mals, he tells me they havent spoken in a week and he doesnt know. naturally i question. he doesnt text back and i get scared and say i dont mean to pry, then says he fell asleep and im fine. i make a joke of it, he doesnt text back. i dont want to bug him to i leave it alone. i finish fair, came home real late last night, i started texting my friend, i realize that she had sent me some messages earler that somehow i didn't see. "Quinn- i know its uber late but i wanted to tell you so that you dont get upset that no one told you- adam and mals broke up. i know this is going to upset you but i wanted to tell you before you found out any other way"
what am I supposed to do now?
Im terrified. i dont weant to see anyone
:/ i want to talk to adam about it, but then i DEFINITELY dont. and theres no way i can even look at RJ and his perfectness thats just not enough for me, and all my friends that live in the blissful ignorance that were going to get happily married and have a million kids! *headdesks repeatedly*
